Training: Day 1

So, Sal sent me swimming today, she said I should swim for 40 minutes. Only problem is, the regional pool is closed, and I'm a bit of a wuss about cold water. But she thought the Lido would be fine. And who am I to argue, it is the hottest day of the year, when else would I use it? (I actually made that decision 2 years ago, the first and only other time I've used it... never). But like I said, there's something about Sal. So off I went.

Anyway, I get in **free** because I spend an unnecessary amount on a gym I don't use. So first thing is, I have "the wrong card" but happily, she let me in anyway. I'd have been very cross if she hadn't. I have to say, there were a lot of faces that suggested the only reason they were tolerating that water was because they'd just paid £4.10 to get in...).

As I got into the pool (brrrr) some Asian guy and his pals grinned at me and said "Hello, how are you?". Now usually, I'm very friendly, but I just got into some recent difficulties with a misunderstanding about what we mean by smiling nicely, so I'm a little cautious. Also, is this someone I know, or a massive flirt waiting for me to get hard nips in the water? So I try to give a non-commital but not too unfriendly "Ok thanks". Then I got into the water, and bearing in mind my audience, was relieved not to utter any profanities, although it was a near thing. ("--ing Cold" as Pratchett would say. "I added the prefix" said Nigel). "Cold, isn't it?" I said through gritted teeth I was hoping would pass for a grin (I didn't want them to start chattering themselves). "Yes, Ready for Curry" said my new friend.

It still took me two lengths to figure out which restaurant he worked at. This shows, scientifically, how cold stops my brain from working: I only ever go to one, The Bombay Brasserie. I have established, during my lengths, that he doesn't know how to swim (why, why? The Lido, of all places to visit?), that Jimmy Spice is the new rival (he thinks), and that he believes Marcus Yeo has defected there. He said to me, "Where is that man? I haven't seen him?" I assumed he meant my colleague Keith, who eats at Bombay Brasserie most weeks, but has been traveling a bit recently "Keith? He's in Wales. He'll be in later this week, I'm sure". "No, not that man, the other one". Me:"Er, you're going to have to help me out a little....". "The one that doesn't drink". It didn't really help, but Marcus is often in the Bombay. I can't offer any reasons as to why he hasn't been seen there since February. "Maybe he's going to Jimmy Spices, you think? But Bombay is best, no?". What can I do but concur. At least, my head was going up and down.

But it could have been the shivering.